Don’t get me wrong this condition has been going on for way longer than 4 weeks. However; this week marks the 4th week off from work as the severity of it escalated.
Here are 5 things I have learnt about myself recently:
1) I have the ability to spin a positive to most negatives that have been thrown my way.
Don’t get me wrong.. some days I get overwhelmed and my world feels like its crumbling down. However; my ability to laugh when told I need surgery and create humour out of my inability to shit is sure a positive outlook toward the situation.
2) I am quite strong – mentally not physically.
As life throws curve balls everybody has an element of growing and becoming stronger through their life experiences. This is something I can definitely say I have learnt about myself most recently. I have managed to get through the last four weeks with only a few days of complete distress. I can honestly say anyone that is going through anything remotely similar is a strong person. Living life in hospital is not fun. It requires a very strong headset and a good support network to get you through. Most importantly; it requires the strength to keep fighting. There have been days where the surgeon has come in to assess me and I have said ‘get my colon out’, there are others where I know that trying medication is better option even if it takes a few extra weeks. There are days where I have done nothing but lie in bed watching movies, there are other days where I have got myself out for a walk and tried to make the most of the situation. Hospital life is tough.
3) I am an independent person.
This is something a year ago I might have faulted to say. Today I can stand up and shout from the rooftops – I am independent. I am very capable of entertaining myself and somewhat enjoy the time alone as well as the time with friends and family that visit. I quite enjoy being able to do things for myself and feel like a pain in the butt when I need to ask for help or people to do things for me! Something I have had to get used to on my ‘not so good’ days.
4) I have become the most open person about ‘shit talk’
Starting a blog has been a major factor in this realisation. When I started I truly did not think I would be so open on it; however, have found it to be the most relaxing activity and find it much easier to keep family and friends in the loop. In addition.. each day currently involves talking about shit. The hospital stay is the most dignity draining experience known to man kind (I will not go into details but just let me assure you.. its been pleasant). Though, throughout all of this – I have noticed how comfortable I am talking about it now. It’s normal. Everyone shits. I am just one of few that talk openly about it.. and thats okay! Perhaps one day it’ll be a norm for everyone. For now – I am fine being the weirdo 🙂
5) It’s okay to be proud of myself.
It seems that people very rarely give themselves credit. I, being one of those people. However, as times have got tough I feel as though I have hit rock bottom. I have had to power myself into each day with a significant amount of pain, discomfort and self-doubt.. but I have still got up and done something each day. Whether that be a short walk or some yoga, I have done something to help my mindset each day and for that.. I am proud of myself.